All,
Well...I did keep up with the readings from the rule and did get in some morning and evening prayers, but did not get much further than that, especially my personal questions. There was literally no time. So I have those to do yet...which will get done this week since I'm working from home.
Since then I've been slowly chugging away at Chapter 7. MAN. This chapter in intense. And is making me really rethink how I do a lot of things. Especially how I think about things in general. Allow me to go ahead and advise on such things:
I left off with "fear".
It was a very thought provoking analysis for me...an believe me it gets only better from there! The next section talks about desires and pleasure. It reminds us that these things are reserved for God and that we ought not to pursue them for our own base "needs". To resist and work to enhance ourselves by the revocation of such things in our lives. It reminds us that God is always watching both the good and the wicked. It follows about being obedient to death and ever mindful that the Lord is present with us.
The next section is the dealings in suffering or weakening under difficult situations. Man is this a place where I need to do some work. When things don't go my way, I am often the first to complain to someone about it, get in someone's face about it, or go after the person to resolve the issue. As I mentioned before, issue resolution in a timely fashion is good...but the reasons for doing so are what is the main issue here. In many past instances many of you may recall me acting rather childish or even over-reacting to something I believed in or was passionate about...which is something that is a part of personality. I am extremely passionate about what I do. And sometimes that passion translates into a sort of pride which is really bad. I feel wronged or hurt...and I've mentioned this before in here as well. I have some work to do here so I can be a better man when it comes to dealing with and handling issues that are outside of my control. Something I think we can all say to a degree, and something this process is designed to help me do. Recognize the issues I have, focus on them one at a time and work to improve myself for the favor of God. It's through this I will be able to truly be humble and live up to the impressive standards being put in front of me.
And so, we are to strengthen in our confidence through Him. "But in all this we overcome because of him who so greatly loved us." (Rom 8:36) Once again, it's amazing because Jesus allows this to be because of him taking our sins on his shoulders and removing them through the power of His cross and rising again. It even goes on to mention my boy Paul who bears with, "false brothers, endure persecution, and bless those who curse them." (2 Cor 11:26, 1 Cor 4:12) I mean Paul journeyed with some really fake people, posers who said they believed and did not understand. Sometimes he knew and went along with them anyway to fulfill his mission to God. Sometimes he didn't know and was hurt, and even through multiple persecutions stood tall and proclaimed the glory of the risen Lord. So much Grace. Of course not all of us get some of those talents. We are all after all different and graced with talents suited for a purpose for God. Trick is, we don't always know what those things are, and in order to find them go through so many things in order to learn how we fit into the world. It can be a really tough realization sometimes to know someone is better than you. Luckier than you. Smarter than you. Those are the things the world tells us are necessary for success. Well so is a little hardship. Not being the brightest. Not having all the luck, and being marginal. Sometimes THAT is THE ticket, and to be ok in our own skin is part of what life's about. Sure it hurts to see others do well where you thought you could...or maybe did at one time. But nothing lasts forever, and we are meant to learn things through our journey that makes us better for that great thing we are truly meant to do.
The next section talks about talking to the Abbot about sinful thoughts or wrongs committed in secret. This, like Confession is also a form of Obedience to The Rule and recognition of the superior. I like this. I have a lot of thoughts and things like this. I have outlets to talk to. I've been doing this for quite sometime, and those of you who are aware of such things know it's been a rather difficult journey sometimes for me. A lot of learning. Dying to myself only to grow again over and over. Just wow. It goes on, "To you I have acknowledged my offense; my faults I have not concealed. I have said: Against myself I will report my faults to the Lord, and you have forgiven the wickedness in my heart." (Ps 31[32]:5) That is good stuff people!
The next step of humility for a monk is recognizing and being content with the lowest and most menial treatment, and regards himself as a poor and worthless workman in whatever task he is given, "I am insignificant and ignorant, no better than a beast before you, yet I am with you always." (Ps 72[73]:22-23) I like this section. I have definitely been guilty (as have all of us) thinking that we are THE SHIT. We've all felt on top of the world. The best there is at some point in our lives for something. THIS line of thinking has its merits. One must be solid in his faith. One must know he is not a waste of space or that would be contradictory to our purpose on earth. I think what this is saying is to know our place under the Lord and a human being. Graced but also just a man. And while some people would say that should be good enough, we must be ready to throw aside that pride and recognize that we are just men, but it is in men God has chosen to be! Now that is not only a reassuring thought, but rocking amazing because we can only see and be with the God that is in us when we aware of our place and station. This may bear some further thought...but THIS is awesome!
The next part of humility really expands on this thought a little and says we have to not just say we are lowly but believe it in our hearts. We have to KNOW we are inferior to all and of less value as a monk. There is solid reasoning around this! " I am truly a worm, not a man, corned by men and despised by the people." (Ps 21[22]:7) "It is a blessing you have humbles me so that I can learn your commandments." (Ps 118[119]: 71, 73) Here is the most important lesson. You know how we always feel closer to God when we are weak and down and feeling lowly. This is a type of living through monastic practices that can be achieved everyday. Not the feeling worthless or in distress, but being able to lower yourself in order raise your spirit for the Lord. Getting yourself and the world out of the way so YOU can actually be with God on a more regular basis. Isn't that AWESOME!? There is one and only one reason for this kind of thinking and state of being...to not only hear God, but to learn how to BE WITH HIM! The very thing we are put here on earth to do...learn how to BE WITH God. I don't know about you, but learning to die to yourself and the world in NOT an easy thought, nor is it something anyone really knows how to do because we are all so different. The Rule puts this in the context of humility. Well who really knows how to do that all the time either. THAT my friends is what life, and more specifically THIS Oblate journey is for me. To really go out there and get at this point. To learn how to try to do this. The monastic principles in The Rule are really speaking to me in these points and in scripture I've been reading.
There is still PLENTY more on humility which is yet to be read. This is really only scratching the surface of what this is all about. I hope you enjoyed reading my thoughts on this, and hopefully this week I can be more regular with my posts as I'll be working from home.
Pax!
Nick
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