Well everyone.
Today I began my Oblate Novitiate for St. Meinrad Archabbey. I figured I'd chronicle here my musings and reflections through my daily readings and prayers.
I'll work to update this as often as possible because I think it important to not only reflect on The Rule, but to give others some insight as to my personal feelings as they relate to the Divine Office.
The ceremony today was absolutely phenomenal to me! Being a part of the retreat and having the chance to work with, pray with, and feast with so many wonderful people all in various stages of their own journeys into Benedictine spiritual life. I think this calling I've received is truly a blessing and something I've been pondering now for many months.
I am now into the Novitiate process. This brings on a year long journey of work, obedience, and humility in silence and listening to truly surmise the intentions of God in my own life. I've been reviewing the documentation I received today, and there is much yet to discover and uncover as I work to enhance my own personal life with The Rule as it's practiced by the monks at St. Meinrad.
I live a pretty busy lifestyle and I welcome the chance to work through the monks and the Oblate community to offer my prayers not only for myself but on behalf of those brothers and sisters who are unable to do so.
To say I am overwhelmed by this latest change in my life would be a massive understatement, but I feel the Lord pulling me in this direction so very strongly, that it's high time I began to listen in earnest to what He would have me hear. It's truly remarkable to have this be a part of my life, and during the next year of observance, oblation, and discernment...I hope to be standing in the Archabbey making my Final Oblation, and having the courage to accept this fully into the fabric of my life.
I've included several links on this Blog so that you can review and learn what Oblation is, The Rule, and other interesting facts about Benedictine spirituality.
Aside from today's retreat Conferences and communal prayer, I had a reading obligation. In The Rule, RB 4:60 it says the following: "hate the urgings of self-will". The context of the phrase comes right after the fear of a certain death and the power of temptation of the flesh. This is a marvelous beginning to an otherwise lengthy journey I've been on now for over a year. I think The Rule really puts this into perspective here by calling it "self-will". An ever present super ego bent on determinant direction for the gratification of one's own needs. I think it's also interesting that the term hate is used so abruptly. While the whole of chapter 4 is rather stern, I think this is the key point. To hate the natural and human urgings of self-will that affect us all is not only normal, but necessary. However, that hate must remain the thing itself and not become an intrinsic judgement of oneself. I've been there before, so believe me on that one.
The humility required to recognize your faults and failings, and to deny the "urgings of self-will" is not only part of the monastic way of life, but to the construct of the basis of a decent human being. We must learn to understand our failings, acknowledge our societal call for individualistic self-will and the pursuit of its mastery, and instead turn toward Christ with an ever more compelling desire to cling to Him.
Embracing the understanding of your personal "self-will" and taking one step at a time to conquer this feeling for the sake of others, is an attribute reserved for only those brave enough to extend their lives into this type of endeavor.
Day 1 has been not only EPIC, but humbling. And with that humility and submission of "self-will" I personally can begin the journey of purification to attain a better understanding of Christ, and how The Rule and its principles can work through me moving forward.
Pax!
Nick
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