With so much going on, I've had some hit or miss days on prayer time and readings, and it's been a struggle with much of my travel and all the work shenanigans that keep me on my toes. I mean last Wednesday I put in 18 straight hours of work at a customer site...so yeah...after working out (read as running up hill 900ft) there was no energy or time left in the day to do much of anything else. I would dare say this time frame constitutes my first major setback since beginning my oblation, and it has been very tricky for me insert the things I need to when I get home considering I'm so wiped out.
So after a WONDERFUL nap this afternoon...it's late and I have energy and just completed my Vespers and am ready to do some updating here. This entry may be a bit lengthy, but I have to get everyone up to speed on the developments in the Rule, my upcoming trip to St. Meinrad and how I'm holding up in gereral.
St. Meinrad
Since it's technically Sunday...5 days and counting my friends! I have my scapular ready to go on the trip with me and actually get an opportunity to wear it with a lot of humility considering the way it was received. I guess getting to this point has been tricky, and I'm already in month 4. I think about the many times I have fallen short in my busy life, but that's part;y why I chose this pursuit...to make God the most important thing in my day. Unfortunately, the world makes this very complicated as mentioned above, and I'm trying to get it all in.
So my retreat is with one of my very best friends, and aside from getting to spend some time with him, it'll be good for him to be immersed in my current experience and to learn a little something while we're at it. This retreat is all about the Miracles of the Gospels. While it sounds rather generic, I have no doubt my Brothers will make it truly special in many ways...just like last time. I'm excited to see some familiar faces , old friends, and meet some new ones. I will obviously have some pics posted from the trip when I get back...they'll be on Facebook too! :-)
Good Ole' #1
Well there is an old saying you should always look our for good ole' number 1. (i.e. yourself). Well that's not how I roll, and while it does cause some intense consternation occasionally, the past 5-6 weeks have really taken a toll on me. From frantic travel, to work training, to things with the groups I'm involved in, I have snapped MANY times in private and with my wife (who by the way is a saint for having the patience and love to deal with my crap!) her support and caring is really sometimes the only thing that gets me through the day, and I can honestly thank God for that wonderful gift of love he's manifested in my life.
I am really starting to see light at the end of the tunnel, and have begun flatly refusing some people things due to the nature of my extraordinary schedule. That all having been said...I'm not sure if I hit rock bottom in there, but I had some terrible days and for that I just look up and say I know this is a part of the plan for me, and I will do what I've been called to do through His strength and will and NOT my own.Many times I've been brought to my knees (literally) and have even felt lost in all of this, but I get back on track somehow and continue this journey as painfully difficult as it can be sometimes.
Health wise I am doing ok...I'm not getting in as much working out as I'd like...but this week should help me get back on track so I am excited about that!
The Rule
The Rule has been there through all of this, and just when I think I couldn't possible read it I pick it up and just start where I left off, and a calm comes over me that is truly remarkable. I wish I could explain it better, but just know that despite my setbacks, falling short, and struggles I am still on course and following where I'm being led in this endeavor. It's been tough for me, but I am doing it, and am trusting the big man in all this. My Oblate assignments are due again this week (I feel like I just did the last round) and those always have a way of putting things into perspective. The new assignment is on Lectio Divina, and that's definitely something I could use a little focus on right now as I work that into the next phase of my journey.
Chapter 41: The Times for the Brothers Meals
This chapter reveals the times of day the brothers are to eat which shifts during the course of the liturgical calendar. Meal times may also be determined by the Abbot during times of great work or work that is done in larger quantities than usual. The goal here then in this chapter is to understand how fasting, abstinence in food, and changes in the times are necessary to complete most accurately the good work of God. Finally, there is provision to ensure that during all meals food is eaten during times of the day where there is light and no lamps are required. This is interesting to me because I often wonder how many of us would get along without food at night...we'd probably all lose a little weight! :-)
Chapter 42: Silence After Compline
This rule starts by reminding that monks should strive to quiet at all times, but especially at night. It mentions that after a meal monks are to read aloud certain parts of the Bible for the benefit of hearers at the table. but specifically mentions that books like Kings should not be read because of it's complexity in conjunction with the late hour for evening meals (supper). Now THAT is interesting to me. I have found that in some of my readings of the Bible there are times where I simply cannot digest what's there due to the complex nature of the reading, and how the Rule specifically calls this out is both important for monks, but also for ME! :-) I definitely took this one to heart!
It mentions that after this time the brothers are together for Compline and once concluded are not permitted to speak at all. Period. (Reminds me of my frat in college!) It states that anyone found to breaks this vow of silence is subject to "severe punishment". The only exception to this is if that talking brother is doing so for the hospitality of guests or on occasion where the abbot requires it. It does admonish however that even with that said, restraint is to be applied.
I find this awesome. I am a pretty LOUD person most of the time, and I honestly find that many brothers are also pretty gregarious. It intrigues me that they are able to subject themselves to this kind of restraint when I am usually not. And man, when I get some silence...I LOVE IT! So this is something Ill be looking at this coming weekend while on the Hill.
Chapter 43: Tardiness at the Work of God or at Table
This rule begins with, as soon as the bells begin to chime for the divine office all monks are to immediately set aside whatever they are doing to begin whatever time of day it is to worship. IF at Vigils someone comes in after the "Glory Be" that brother may not stand in his usual place among the rank of the group.It does mention however that this is done with shrewd deliberateness. This brother is to be set aside so as to be seen by all to begin making penance for his lack of haste. The purpose of this is to "Shame them into amending." (RB 43:7)
Brothers are not permitted to wait outside but are to come in and be seen by all so that they may be held to account. I kind of like this. The natural inclination for most people is to just not show up. I'm already late right. Well apparently this has been going on for centuries. Good to know St. Benedict knew how to call people out! :-)
In these instances the brother is to remain in "last place". This is to be the case unless the Abbot makes exception. If this tardiness were to occur at table after the opening verse is prayed (through their own negligence or fault) then he should be reproved. If after a second time the issue continues then the brother is to eat alone and his portion of wine is removed from the meal. Anyone who is late in this way shall be treated the same way. It goes on to say that no one is to eat or drink outside the proper times. It gives the example that if you are offered something and refuse it and later are more hungry because of it you are to go without.
This is a cool thing to me. Don't stare a gift horse in the mouth right? If you're offered something take it. Because the occasion may not recur. It's also respectful to humor people sometimes.
Chapter 44: Satisfaction by the Excommunicated
Anyone who is excommunicated for faults for the oratory or table is to prostrate himself "in silence at the oratory entrance at the end of the celebration of the Work of God." (RB 4:1) In other words, the public accountability mentioned in the prior reading of the rule is made clear. Brothers are to basically do the modern day equivalent of "planking" only not for the amusement of others but to show for their faults. The brother should lie face down at the feet of all as they leave the oratory. This continues until the Abbot feels satisfaction has been made. Finally he is to prostrate himself at the feet of the abbot and brothers so that they may pray for him. Only at that time may the abbot give permission for the brother to return to his place within the group. Even though he is invited back he is not to "lead" anything nor presume to do so until instructed by the abbot. This further slight in responsibility is basically saying, prove yourself to us that you are really ready to go back to your duties. I really like this thought because then one has to work to get back to where they were.
These brothers under serious faults are to prostrate themselves after each hour of Work at the feet of all. Less serious faults from the table continue until the Abbot says "Enough." I like the one rule thing here and think that the Abbot has enormous responsibility. The care, education, and lesson learning that goes on here is rather impressive and admonishes one to really be thankful for what they are able to do. Very cool stuff.
Chapter 45: Mistakes in the Oratory
If a brother monk makes any mistakes in the oratory he is make satisfaction before all. "If he does not use this occasion to humble himself, he will be subjected to more severe punishment for failing to correct by humility the wrong committed through negligence." (RB 45:1-2)
I think this kind of accountability which is fairly consistent through the readings posted here make clear the seriousness that the brothers do take in ensuring the proper message is sent out and that as close as can be done, the Hours are prayed properly. It makes each one consider his part carefully and to only do what in fact, he can do.
THIS IS INTERESTING. I should really take some solace from my last comment there. "consider his part carefully and to do what in fact, he can do". If that isn't God speaking I don't know what is! I often find myself drowning because I tend to take on more than I can chew. These mast many weeks certainly attest to that. I over commit and get myself frazzled and worn down because I am not capable of handling all that's on my plate. It's not that the desire isn't there folks...I just can't do some things, nor am I supposed to. I wish I was capable to handle more, but that is a limitation. Lord knows I am trying right?
I find great solace in this thought tonight...yes at 1:30am. And with that awesome news I can end my day of work on a high note, and prepare for tomorrow with humility and a little bit of grace. I have a lot more to do yet, but feel like I am one step closer to getting there.
Pax!
Nick
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